It’s just your standard house….er….mansion….er….estate…

I guess I could be persuaded to live here, if the mood struck me.

This $5,850,000 house in Vaughan, Ontario would easily be listed over $10,000,000 if there were anything like it in Toronto.

“Everybody into the pool!”

I want to be rich, but not like really rich.

Wait, I take that back….I want to be really rich, but not really-REALLY rich.

Yeah, I like that better.

Houses like 35 Rocmary Place don’t come along everyday, and in Toronto, they are even more rare.  This house is in Vaughan, and therefore the minuscule price-tag of just under $6 Million is quite misleading.

There is nothing like this in Forest Hill or Rosedale, and while my knowledge of Post Road and Bridle Path isn’t great, I would hazard a guess that there can’t be more than one or two houses that have the same luxury, quality, and sheer size of the land the house is built on.

My favorite feature of 35 Rocmary Place is the caviar dispenser in every room.  Imagine being without food that costs $1200 per ounce for longer than a few minutes, and you could pop a blood vessel on your Italian marble floors…

All the faucets in the house produce Evian water, whether in the kitchen, the bathtub, or even in the toilets.  The last thing we want is our urine mixing with regular tap water…

The sale of the house will include Jimmy, who is the elevator operator.  Wait, I should clarify: Jimmy only operates the East elevator.  The man who operates the West elevator, Juan-Pablo, has been sold in a separate estate sale…

There are fourteen parking spaces on P1, and an additional seven spaces on P2.  The monorail to the house comes every six minutes…

The movie theatre has two screens, one of which features movies currently in theatres, and one screen that shows movies that are not in the theatres, and actually haven’t even been made yet…

The fitness facility on the second floor has state of the art equipment, and an in-house personal trainer named “Sascha” who gives excellent massages, and has signed an oath not to seduce any (more) rich, unsatisfied housewives…

There are two golf cart docks on site, one at the North side of the house where you can drive down the trail to the quaint, 2500 sqft guest-house, and one on the South side that leads up a path to the horse stable.  Sadly, one of the horses fell ill last fall and had to be euthanized, and this only leaves eleven former thoroughbred winners to ride once a month or whenever the mood strikes.  The rest of the time, they just eat hay and fantasize about freedom…

There is a large outdoor pool with a diving board, and for a small fee, Greg Louganis will perform a reverse 2 1/2 twist pike from the top tower and hit his head on the springboard for your amusement, simply to relive the greatest moment in his life (and the most overplayed sports blooper of all time)…

Perhaps the most unique feature of the house are the new high-high-efficiency fireplaces that only burn 200-year-old mahogony wood from trees that were cut down to make the view better outside other, richer people’s houses.

Hmmmm.

Okay.

Nobody took any of this seriously, did they?

I guess there isn’t much you can say about a house like this.

Usually, the photos do the best job of telling the story. 

So I thought I’d just write things that make me laugh as I type them…

In all seriousness, 35 Rocmary Place is a 5-bedroom, 7-bathroom house on a massive 217 x 361 foot lot.  While it’s not the largest house and doesn’t contain the most bedrooms, it is simply a statement in elegance.  “Less is more” sometimes, and rather than spending more money to make a larger house, the owners here have just planned every square inch to a T, and the result is unimaginable luxury.

Look at the photo of the back of the house with the pool in the foreground.  Have you ever seen anything like that?

And the last photo of the bunch below—that is a picture of their outdoor poolside table, which is covered and sheltered, and contains a wood-burning outdoor fireplace as well as a fully stocked bar.  Where else will you ever see that?

I’ve seen many houses throughout Rosedale, Forest Hill, and a few on Post Road.

But I have never seen anything quite like this.

Take a look at the pictures, buy a Lotto-649 ticket for tonight, and start dreaming…

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